The Unbearable Lightness of Unkhoo

Moofing

2008-02-27T18:13:00.002+08:00

Hullo random friends!
When I log into Blogspot with my sis' laptop, all the text shows up as little boxes!
It's very disconcerting so I am going to try to be all tech-savvy and I'm going to use a wordpress account now...
http://unkhoo.wordpress.com

Post- :D

2007-12-30T16:34:00.001+08:00

Oh my god!

I can't believe I spent so much on a pair of shoes!

Again!

Argh!

:D

2007-12-30T16:31:00.000+08:00

I'm in love!

Ain't she a looker!

2007-12-26T09:09:00.000+08:00

Christmas two years ago:

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Clarke Quay
People queued for Hed Kandi, ("Candy" with no "C".)

2 homies and I, we arrived far too late,
We would probably queue until we were dead.

So off we trudged on, in search of some beat
To sate our tapping stiletto-shorn feet.
Lazy to go far, we stopped at Attica,
Where few SPGs ended their words with "la".
Jolly Christmas cheers from drunken expats,
Drunken old ladies air-humping young brats.
The music upstairs was really kind of good,
But we left saying "bye" to this slimy dude,
Eager for ice cream, fresh air and french fries,
Talk of school, and life, bad jokes and dumb guys.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he slumped out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

Christmas last year:

There was an uploaded video of a Christmas Robot Chicken video, but that's been taken down now. :(

Christmas this year involved:

Travelling up North. Uh huh.

Festive hats.

An elf.

A sullen reindeer.

Snow.

And true love!

2007-12-21T14:35:00.000+08:00

Strangers are fun...

Mondaze.

2007-12-17T10:19:00.000+08:00

What is this, youth?

Birthday weekend...

2007-12-15T11:23:00.000+08:00

Dogmatix! Sokewtsokewtsokewt.

He looks like he's from New Kids On The Block..

Armin's on fire!

Botak Yeo.

Paul you're so unglam.

Nikki you also.

Birthday card... I guess?

Steph on a taxi

Sokewtsokewtsokewt

Auntie Joyce

Auntie Jeanne

Only hardcore uncles wear loafers to the beach...

Auntie Elaine

So dang cute!

I feel like dressing up as an elf... it's rather inexplicable really...
Mayhaps tonight i shall!
Okay going out leow byebye

2007-12-14T13:54:00.000+08:00

There's nothing quite as enjoyable as a zombie/vampire movie.
When else is the world so black and white, or so red and not?
What 30 Days of Night lacked for in terms of witty dialogue, sympathetic characters and cool vampires, they could've made up with pure gore.
But no!
Where was the gore?
Sad.
I need to watch something genuinely gory soon!
Wah leow damn sleepy la.
I'm going to nua this weekend until my brains drip out of my sluggishly inactive body.
Now that's gore for you!

2007-12-11T12:39:00.000+08:00

Zoukout was funnnnn. I'm glad I went with my babies to say goodbye to being a lithe, nubile 21 year old. (And hello to being a lithe, nubile 22 year old hohoho.)

I really could've died of happiness when Booka Shade came on. Books and books shade ya Zee? Wish you'd been there..

Hrm I have a very skanky photograph in my phone of Paul blowing Kok Hua's.. whistle. And another one with Steph holding onto her beer possessively and lustfully.

Only Yeo Kim Choo can love her beer so much...

Damn hungry. Want to cry already.

I really love my family. Things at home are very good these days.

Lulls are good.

2007-12-01T17:46:00.000+08:00

Nikki's Cantonese name is Apple.
And when her boyfriend miss her, he pine Apple...

2007-11-30T15:22:00.000+08:00

It was a really busy morning, so now I'm sitting here slacking off and reading a forum about who the final Cylon is on BSG. Hahaha.
Watched Razor at Ave and Jussi's (or Jussi and Ave's? Who is paying more rent huh? Put your name first.) and the girl is ho-ho-hot.
It has reignited my love for the series, a love which has waned in recent times due to a dearth of new episodes, and an assault by other streamable trash like Gossip Girl haha.
The girl on that show has really nice shoes...

2 and a half hours until the weekend.
May this Saturday move my room ever closer to the comfortable brown/beige/gold toned utopia I have in my mind's eye!

I shall not fret until Wednesday.
Maybe Chloe is just punking me after all.
Maybe her lump will go away.
Haiyar.
Want to go for a run but my leg rather hurts.
Haven't felt so weepy in so long, it's really quite bewildering.
Haiyar.

2007-11-21T09:34:00.000+08:00

This morning I asked my mother to help me toast my chocolate bread, but then she said she was throwing the loaf away because it went bad. So I was like, "!!!" and defended my bread by saying it wasn't past it's best-by date yet, and I had just eaten it for supper last night.
She opened the bag and showed me little pieces of mould that had sprung up on the crusts. I gave my best impersonation of a sad little blue MSN emoticon and asked her if I would die or something, and she said without skipping a beat, "No, but in the long run maybe you will get cancer."

You see! I can't help it that I'm incapable of being nice and understanding.
This is what I'm used to!
My formulative years were spent getting stupid responses like this whenever I went in for a cuddle or a sayang!
I'm turning into my mother!
Arghhh!

The woman who drives the shuttle bus from my condo to the train station drives like she's on drugs. Which is to say, rather like a maniac. But she's nice and she'll get you to the church on time, so Audrey Hepburn'd probably like her, and if you get that then you have probably watched My Fair Lady as many times as me, and I like you already, just like how I liked that Bingo girl in MOS just because she had nice shoes, but I've Totally Digressed.
Anyway, she always turns left in a right turning only lane, and when she does so, I am pretty sure she spoils the morning of at least one motorist turning right from the opposite direction.
It's so important to not spoil someone else's morning. Mornings are crucial in shaping the rest of the day, are they not?
How many mornings have you spoilt huh? HUH?
2? 4? 43 million?
Governments should live by this rule. Spoil as few mornings as possible.
I wonder how many mornings George Bush has spoilt. Or Omar Al-Bashir. Or Slobodan Milosevic.
Or the auntie at the Kopitiam who always gets the kopi order wrong.
If I were to run for political office, my campaign slogan'd be, "Ruining 0 people's mornings since 1985!!" In italics, and underlined!
And, I'd start every speech with, "Friends, Romans, countrymen. Lend me your shoes!"
Then again if I were to run for political office, it would mean that the end of days would be nigh, and in that case it would matter very little that your mornings are unspoilt, since we'd all be looking judgement for our petty mortal crimes, and for all our irrational purchases spurred on by emotional or hormonal imbalances, dead in the eye.

There are 92 pairs of shoes outside my house. That's just by my front door. I didn't manage to count the ones inside the house. 3 belong to my dad. 4, maybe, to my ma. Maybe 20 to me.
My sister is damn cool.

I'm going to buy kopi. The auntie better not get it wrong!

2007-11-19T11:11:00.000+08:00

This morning I woke up and felt my furry white friend dozing contentedly in the crook of my arm.
The weather was fine; birds would have been chirping outside my window, had my apartment not been on the 21st floor as it is.
Birds rarely chirp outside my window, I don't know why. They're probably too lazy to hover outside while they sing. Damnable buggers. But I digress.
Sooooo Chloe was sleeping next to me under the blanket, and when my alarm went off she stretched on her back, then flipped on her side, but because she was already on the edge of the bed she ended up falling off with an extraordinarily loud PLOP sound.
Hahahahahaha.
She was quite stunned I think. Shook herself off a couple of times, then she left my room to go pee, or get a cup of coffee, or something.
SOKEWT MY DOG IS SOKEWTSOKEWTSOKEWT.

Fun fun fun

2007-11-16T08:48:00.000+08:00

This morning in the elevator, I discovered the most fun thing one can do at 830 a.m. on a weekday.

I was standing in a sorta blind spot of the elevator, and had control of the door open/close buttons, so I just closed the doors because I thought everyone'd gotten it.
But nooooo there was this stray Ah Lian, but I couldn't see her as she came around the corner into the elevator, and I inadverdently ended up squashing her between the doors. She glared at everyone in the lift but I said sorry and she went to sulk in a corner.

THEN THEN THEN two more people came in, but because I was in the blind spot I didn't see them again!

Squash, squash...

THEN THEN THEN THEN THEN another person came in, and because I couldn't see her, I ended up squashing her too!

I felt bad at first, but then I had to stifle a giggle all the way to my floor as I silently admitted to myself how much fun I had squashing people between the elevator doors.

Hahahahah

(wipes tear from eye)

2007-11-13T15:10:00.000+08:00

You write something down, and as the words bleed into the pages they seem so alive. Rich and earnest little fellows dancing away, full of your blood.
You've written something noone else has! You're certain nobody else could have ever discerned to thread them together in the exact order as you. You've created life, and executed the only magic trick that's real; whittled art out of empty paper and an eighty-cent ink pen.
Then you look away.
Blink, and the words will unceremoniously drop their false sheen like the cheap prostitutes they always were. Pretense and tense. You laugh at the pun.
Clock strikes 3, 3 strikes and you're out. Out into the rain go the papers with their ho-hum drivel, their pointless pablum.
You thought they were tasteful and delicate.
If you could sweep them off of the page with your arm the frauds would probably scramble to the side and keel over, laughing at you while slouching over cheap cigarettes and conferring amongst themselves, comparing notes on when they'd thought the game was up.

Read it all again, and it is such shit.

You were shit.

I (L) Phoenix

2007-11-06T10:58:00.000+08:00

Every Sunday
I go to Hollywood
I buy my ticket
To see the midnight show
And every Sunday
I live my honeymoon
You rule my body
I just feel how it's good
My mind aches
You bust my real thoughts
When you're with me
Till the night's awayI am sittin'
I watch the fireworks
It's no matter of time
I feel the midnight crush
Feelin' without knowing the other
Tonight, let me handle this affair
Let me handle this affair
There's no ending
Light fades in my eyes
I don't want nobody
To burn my Hollywood
Every Sunday
I go to Hollywood
It's worth waitin
'To see the midnight show
And every Sunday
I live my honeymoon
You rule my body
I just feel how it's good
Feelin' without knowing the other
Tonight, let me handle this affair
Let me handle this affair

They're French, and their lyrics don't make a whole lotta sense.
But boy o boy do their melodies make me feel happy.
It started with Yi playing If I Ever Feel Better one night, and ended with me doing a little shimmy in the shower.
Wah I'm totally in love.
Equally good for both lazy Sunday woolgathering and frenzied gymming, both of which I have been doing rather alot of lately.

Since I am bored and free now, and very hungry, and in dire need of distraction, I shall think of things that will make me happy.

Things to look forward to this week:
Holiday!
Yirong!
Beaching!
Wii-ing this weekend!

Sorry Steph that was a self-invitation, and a self-acceptance.

You truly are queen of the verbal faux paus.
All hail Steph, who did something with her good guy friends, found it really fun, and who wants to do it with her good girl friends now!

Wah damn hungry RARGHHHHH.

Gloria Steinem said,

2007-11-04T21:12:00.000+08:00

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."

I don't know why, but this quote suffuses me with an, oddly, inordinate amount of glee.

A fish without a bicycle!

Hahaha.

2007-10-31T10:54:00.000+08:00

Nobody has made me as happy as you!
And nobody has hurt me as much, either!

Oh calamity, beloved leather black platform pump!
Is ours a relationship doomed to live only in the warm, private safety of the bedroom, with piles of clothes on the floor bearing witness to this completely senseless love?
Will we only meet in mirrors and in night, in brief, loving snatches before benumbed by blissful sleep?
Must every meeting end in blood and skin blistered from frantic attempts to meet you halfway?

You do have such a beautiful sole.

In a typically female fashion, I shall proclaim that as much as I love you just the way you are, I'm going to make it my personal mission for the foreseeable future to break you in and change you into something softer.

And thus ends the recent spate of completely bimbotic posts.

Band of Brothers ain't got nothing on this.

2007-10-29T14:45:00.000+08:00

You all gave me both pincers!
Both!
You guys!
I love you!
I would take a bullet for you!
<3

Whinewhinewhine!

2007-10-28T12:57:00.001+08:00

Sighhh I have a serious shoe problem.
4, serious shoe problems this month, to be precise.
Sighhhhhhh can go diving one weekend with all the money I've spent on things to cover my feet.
And I've got perfectly fine feet!
They're not particularly trollish, or ugly.
I don't have a hideous tan line I need covered, or harsh corns that need to be hidden.
But.
I can't control myself!
But.
One's got fun leopard prints on the base and a sweet gold stiletto.
How do you say no to that!
One's got a perfect leather heel, a classic finish that'll probably last me into my working days, and pigskin lining.
How is that not a justifiable purchase!
One's fun but not overthetop, plus I was on holiday and I couldn't find anything else to buy.
How can you not excuse that!
And one really really goes with that pair of knee high socks I have, and has, I think, a staid and bookish look that'll prove useful should I ever get caught in a roadblock again at night (because you know, bookish shoes equal a bookish persona), and anyways none of the other shoes I have now are brown.
How.. how... how... whatever la!

I'm dead la no money to eat leow.
No money to go anywhere nice either, which means I'll be wearing all my swanky shoes to eat bak chor mee or something.
My name is Joyce and I make irrational purchase decisions regarding shoes.
Response: Hi, Joyce!

Argh!

There truly is a little Carrie Bradshaw in all of us.

Out, demon, out!

Argh!

Wahhhhhhh

2007-10-21T18:11:00.000+08:00

I think Hoho said it best when he said,
"那,这样不是 steam?"

I can see it now.
They will find my body by the roadside, mayhaps with a couple of stale fried chicken skins thrown at my wasted body out of pity, and the cardboard box I call home drenched with rain.
I will die, homeless and starved and naked except for a wonderful but totally impractical and completely skanky pair of shoes.
But I will die with a smile on my face!
Wahhhhhh steam steam...

2007-10-18T09:55:00.000+08:00

I dreamt that I was trying to attract the attention of a bunch of fish for some reason. The fish were swimming very quickly, like they were on a fish expressway of sorts, and I kept trying to catch their eyes because I had something evil up my sleeve, but none of them saw me, so I moved further back and realised they couldn't focus on something so close. Then I caught all their attention at once because I was in sight, and they all swarmed towards me and overwhelemed me, and at this point I turned into Squidward from Spongebob and I grumbled that my evil plot was foiled.

Damn weird.
I woke up with a frown on my face because I was so bewildered.
My brain is like.. a talking cupcake or something.
It's weird.
Summore, I tried to dream of meeting Justin at Chomp chomp for supper, because I told him to try to dream the same thing in an effort to see if we were psychic or if we had ESP.
I bet he didn't try la and I got stuck with the reject-dreams that nobody else wants!
Sucks la.

Hong Kong weekend

2007-10-17T21:52:00.000+08:00

First night we went for a walk and we saw this total beefcake.
He was really hot.

It was like, 29 degrees and he was dressed in that. Hot hot hot.

We looked for a wallet for Yibs at LV but it cost the equivalent of a pair of Christian Laboutins. The purchase could not be justified. So she left, unhappy.

We were walking along the road when Yirong exclaimed, "Wow, look at that! It's huge!"

"The package? Yeah!" I said.

"Err. The poster.." She proclaimed.

I walked everywhere in damn high heels. I am pro.

And we found what must be the biggest public toilet in the world.

The next day we found the sexiest wallet in the world for Yibs.

And then my lao gong and me went to Kowloon to slum it. While hunting for a cinema in which we could watch Leung Chiu Wai get nekkid, we found this place.

Give them trophy for the dodgiest name for a hotel, ever.

Yirong "Zoolander" Li can pose even when she's busy talking.
Andrew asked me if I knew how to tell a good xiaolongbao from a bad xiaolongbao.
I asked him if the bad ones had tattoos and he stared at me oddly.
No wonder you all work where you do, while I err.. don't.
:(

You're such a sexy beast!

The next morning before meeting lao gong for lunch I traipsed to the museum. Because, y'know. I'm all cultural and shit.
They recreated a rooftop classroom at one point.
The tables had "Paul Newman" and "Marlon Brando" scratched into them. :)

Who the heck goes to Hong Kong and goes to the museum, you say?

They had an exhibit on dinosaurs!
Dinosaurs!
But of course, being the person I am, I ended up going into the wrong museum. And then I ran out of time.
:(
Morale of the story, dinosaurs trumps shopping, and Hong Kong trumps Singapore.

2007-10-11T16:22:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..
Things that tickle me:
1) Dogs wearing the funnel-thing that stops them from biting at wounds
2) Little mynahs that don't have feathers on their heads
3) Literal chinese translations that don't make any sense
4) Pharaon's chinese name

So, drawing a totally baseless and unscientific conclusion, animals and all things Chinese oughtta make me giggle right?

Behold Elwood!
The World's Ugliest Dog 2007!
I'm pretty sure he goes about his daily activities, totally unaware of how odd he looks.
And if the other dogs in the playground make fun of him he probably can't understand, because he's half Chinese-crested and half Chihuahua.
So I'm reckoning he only speaks Mandarin or Spanish...
Cuál para arriba, perro...

2007-10-11T10:48:00.000+08:00

I rummaged through the plastic bag of pastries this morning, and managed to find the last donut with sprinkles. So there I was, clutching it in my grubby little paws with ebullience positively spilling out of every pore, thinking about the dozens of unsuspecting little Krispy Kremes I'd eat over the weekend, and how they'd run away in terror if only they knew... and if only they had legs...
Then my mother strolled into the kitchen and remarked on how my face seemed much fatter these days.

Why must you hurt me in this way, Mother?

2007-10-05T10:32:00.000+08:00

Hey I'm working okay..
it's just that my RSS feed picked up on the word "chemical" in the bit about the "chemical gay bomb"..
haiyar the description of the Taiwanese invention is making me giggle uncontrollably..
damn uncool.

"Gay bomb", cow dung study among Ig Nobel winners

Jason Szep, Reuters

Published: Thursday, October 04, 2007

BOSTON -- The inventor of a method to extract vanilla fragrance from cow dung, military developers of chemical "gay bomb" and a team that researched how sheets become wrinkled won Ig Nobel prizes for 2007.

The annual prizes, awarded by the science humor magazine Annals of Improbable Research, were presented on Thursday evening at a ceremony in Cambridge, Massachusetts, where the winners must try to explain their work in a minute or less.

While some awards clearly poke fun at popular culture, others are meant to provoke debate about science, honoring achievements that "first make people laugh, and then make them think", according to the magazine.

"These people really ought to have someone, somewhere, in some tiny way, give some kind of recognition that they have done something nobody has ever done," Annals editor Marc Abrahams said.

The Ig Nobel Prizes, in their 17th year, were handed to the winners by genuine Nobel laureates Craig Mello (2006 Medicine), Dudley Herschbach (Chemistry 1986), Robert Laughlin (Physics 1998), William Lipscomb (1976 Chemistry) and Sheldon Glashow (1979 Physics).

This year's winners include:

"Chemistry" -- Mayu Yamamoto of the International Medical Center of Japan, for developing a way to extract vanillin, or vanilla fragrance and flavoring, from cow dung.

"She seems to claim if companies start using this method it might help with global warming because some of all the cow dung that causes problems in the atmopshere will start getting used," Mr. Abrahams said in an interview.

"Linguistics" -- Juan Manuel Toro, Josep B. Trobalon and Nuria Sebastian-Galles, of Universitat de Barcelona -- for a study showing rats sometimes fail to distinguish between a person speaking Japanese backwards and a person speaking Dutch backwards.

"Peace Prize" -- The Air Force Wright Laboratory, Dayton, Ohio for instigating research and development on a chemical weapon, the so-called "gay bomb," that "will make enemy soldiers become sexually irresistible to each other".

"Biology" -- Dr. Johanna E.M.H. van Bronswijk of Eindhoven University of Technology, The Netherlands, for their census of all the mites, insects, spiders, pseudoscorpions, crustaceans, bacteria, algae, ferns and fungi that share our beds at night.

"Economics" -- Kuo Cheng Hsieh, of Taichung, Taiwan, for patenting a device in 2001 that catches bank robbers by dropping a net over them, known as the "net trapping system for capturing a robber immediately."

The inventor, however, could not be found by Ig Nobel representatives in Taiwan "We had people in Taiwan looking for him. He's vanished. Somebody suggested to us the possibility that maybe the poor man was trapped inside his own machine," Mr. Abrahams said.

It's always been my dream to invent something and to live off the patent...
Too bad Kuo Cheng Hsieh beat me to that one..

2007-10-03T11:40:00.001+08:00

I was looking at dubdew's blog while nursing the morning kopi and I mused, as the sporadic gurgle from my stomach accelerated into a full-blown Mahler-esque symphony, on my very obvious inability to appreciate the finer things in life.
The thought pricked me last night, as my sister was telling me about job vacancies at a particular lifestyle magazine her friend worked at. She was telling me to apply for a job, and once the initial excitement had died down, I wondered as I was showering, if such a job'd really be right for me.
Honestly la, I'm too simple for my own good sometimes. I've heard it so many times before. Lemme see.

I'm 18 and still waiting on tables at the beach. I remember telling Chit that I'd never been for a facial or manicure in my life. Chit's eyes widen to the point where the whites of his eyes can actually be seen. His eyes are smaller than mine la.
I try to explain away the shock, saying God obviously gave me two hands so I could give myself manicures why the heck would I pay for something when I can do it myself and I'm not a complete cheapskate you know I've been for massages before but boy oh boy if I could just dislocate my hands with less pain involved I could probably give myself a massage...
Chit says, "My dear, sometimes you need to be abit female and just enjoy these sort of things."
Ok.
2 years later, I'm sitting in my sister's room watching her prance around in the the $200 dress she bought during her lunch break, and we talk about what we're going to eat on her birthday. She suggests oysters, and I say cool, I've never had the sort of oysters that look like they're still alive. She stops twirling and frowns at me, and asks me if I'm serious. I say yeah, I never liked them growing up and we don't go anywhere nice to eat these days, but of course I've eaten oysters before that's the orh in orh luak right?
She says, "You poor dear. You sound like we've been keeping you in a box by the washing machine. I'll take you to eat oysters okay?"
Ok.
1 year later, I'm having dinner with Carlos, and I tell him that despite my apparently flighty playgirl exterior, I actually don't club all that much and prefer teh-o at Siglap and noodles at Bedok over wine at Rochester and fine dining in general I just happen to like clothes that border on skanky oh no I don't go to the spa very often it's all rather a waste of money isn't it most of what I save goes towards buying a holiday somewhere which hotels do I stay at then wait what are hotels?
He says, something but I can't remember exactly what because the accent was probably too heavy.
Oooook.

Well.
No more!
Food will no longer be something I eat just so I'm not hungry!
I'm going to start primping and grooming and eating food that takes longer than 3 minutes to prepare!
Instant noodles is for the weak!
Roar!

2007-10-02T10:57:00.000+08:00

If an auntie says you're wearing a nice skirt, are you still wearing a nice skirt?
If Hitler says you're doing a good job, are you still doing a good job?
If a horse, is a horse, is a horse, is it a horse, of course?
So many questions...

I asked a couple of friends yesterday after being complimented by a sweet little older lady in the office. Answers came back in the way of "negative". With handphone in one hand, and lighter in the other (I was, you see, all prepared to burn the offending skirt), I made my way home, only to find a postcard from my sister circa her trip last month, and a quote which shall forever burn in my mind's eye.

"Am very chao tah and skinny now. Black Beauty, just the way Mum likes it! Har har har."

I sat across the dining table from said sister, and lamely asked her what she meant by Black Beauty, and was informed that my mother has affectionately called her that since childhood.

!!!!

I'm way blacker than her, and about 5kg lighter!
Why hasn't my mother ever called me Black Beauty!
Instead, she peppers my mornings with questions like,
"Are you coming home for dinner?"
"Did you close your window?"
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Then do you have a girlfriend?"

On Sunday my sister decided to take her namby pamby friend/question-mark-boyfriend to the zoo for some event instead of me. This, after keeping me up the previous night, whining about the nambypamby in question! This, despite knowing I've been dying to go the zoo for years but too much of a cheapskate to fork out for tickets!

Doubtlessly, those were the worst 2 days of my life.

Oh, the drama...

2007-09-26T14:31:00.000+08:00

I dreamt that David Beckham lived opposite Mandarin Gardens and I met him at a junction one day and said "Mornin!" and he said "Morning!" and he was very sad because life in singapore is hard and so different from life in London, then he invited me to his place and gave me pizza he had flown in from Toronto, then Posh came home and was pissed that I hadn't waited for them to eat, then he had to go play a match aganist Juventus and I think he lost then I got a lift to the main road from one of their trainers who was this malay uncle who's actually my security guard in real life. David was very nice in my dream...
Then he lost the match I think, so at night the whole team was getting debriefed (tee hee) then I walked past and saw alot of individual TV screens showing individual replays and these screens also doubled as computers, and Paul was on one of them msning and Renhui was logged in on another one but he was away...

I'm spending too much time on msn...

2007-09-24T15:41:00.000+08:00

Unkhoo: "You'd do the table!"
Chris Crox: "Only... if it had nice legs."

Ahhhhhh I have missed the Yeoster...
Like a breath of fresh air!

2007-09-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

If you're not going to stand up for yourself, it's hard for me to be there to stand by you.
Call me when you've decided to wake up.
I just hope it's not from some hospital bed.

Don't want to talk to me, fine. Call the AWARE hotline then.
1800 221 4444

Manali - New Delhi.

2007-09-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

30 July 2007

Where is my head?
It is knots. It is in ghost towns.
Frozen cryogenic, taxidermic,
Claustrophobic nouns.
It is behind curious eyes, razor tongues
Desirous hands and empty lungs.
Tender yellows and suicidal browns.
I see something red, but from here it is muted and drowned.
Where is my head?
In a box by the river, perhaps.
In a weary frown?

Mid-week!

2007-09-19T10:08:00.000+08:00

Apparently my ex-classmate Joel knew at age 17, that he was going to become a lawyer, and he knew what he wanted to specialise in. He's in law school now and well on the way to achieving all that.
When I was 17 I'm pretty sure that my head was filled with thoughts like "I want to have long hair next time" and "I wish I had a pony would that not be the most awesome form of transport?"
Haiiiii.
Well I guess the pony's due.

Typhoon Wipha in Taiwan.
I hope Jay Chou is safe!

Good lord, Christine.
What have you done to me!

At any rate, you almost wish some influential celebrity would get injured by some weather-related calamity. Perhaps that would encourage their hordes of paper-wasting fans to abstain from buying trashy tabloids and those ugly and tacky posters that they always sell at heartland malls and pasar malams, thus saving a small but nonetheless important amount of paper and saving us all from the environmental blight of a storefront full of ugly posters.
I bet if Jay Chou's stupid movie had been about a man who goes back in time to warn us all about the dangers of global warming and to avoid getting hit on the head by a falling tree during a typhoon, thus losing his ability to sing and emote, that tons of Taiwanese girls would stop spraying so much fricking hairspray in their hair to keep it straight la.
Use your powers for good, Jay, not evil movies like Secret!
$9.50 omg.

2007-09-17T17:34:00.000+08:00

26 days until I get to see my darling har gau again!
Finally, a holiday where I'm not wearing week-old bermudas, lugging around all my worldly belongings in a $10 backpack from Cambodia (which has actually served me really, really well) and smelling like the old file you used to find under your desk on the first day of each secondary school year.
Ahhh I can't wait!
Any playgrounds near your pad, favouritest?

:D

When I was a young girl, everytime I saw the word "Byron" I thought it was just "Bryan" misspelt.

2007-09-14T15:12:00.000+08:00

She walks in beauty like the night
of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
meets in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
had half impair'd the nameless grace
which waves in every raven tress,
or softly lightens o'er her face -
where thoughts serenely sweet express
how pure, how dear their dwelling - place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
so soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
the smiles that win, the tints that glow,
but tells in days of goodness spent,
a mind at peace with all below,
a heart whose love is innocent.

This poem reminds me of Chris.
Which is damned peculiar, considering how she walks...
Damn chor lor la.
But yeah.
Only you'd think the "F" stood for "fling"!
<3

Weekendddd

2007-09-14T09:30:00.000+08:00

I don't know why, but whenever I see George Bush on TV now, I always think it's some Saturday Night Live sketch...

I'm so tired...

Byebye Wanyong!! Have fun!

2007-09-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

I have absolutely nothing to say.
Quick go buy 4D.
SOOOOO I shall do what all young women with no opinion and no real sense of self often do, and I'll just post pictures!
In no order whatsoever:

Walk walk walk.

Wa si Indiana Jones.

Random handsome man from Bangladesh.

Barefoot woman walking around Taj Mahal at midday. Siao lor.

New nephew.

Random junction in Darjeeling.

Gorgeous kid.

Nurulkins.

Steph's cleavage.

Fellow beach bum. Wah lao I really got no cleavage. Damn sian.

Eloquent conversation with high flying bankers.

Steph's cleavage again.

I know I posted it twice.
It really is rather fabulous what...
Urgh so boring.
Pictures suck.
They corrode your brain and render you incapable of anything better than a feeble "pictures suck".
Argh!

2007-09-06T11:21:00.000+08:00

So I read this article the tother day.

Apparently, despite all claims to the contrary, men ultimately choose beauty over all else, and women choose a fat wallet.
Big surprise.

How depressing.
I don't know. I just don't feel like any of the anxieties and worries that plague my cotton-filled brain have anything to do with making alot of money, getting married, buying a car and dying in a house with a fully paid-off mortgage.
And honestly, I don't find the drive to earn zillions of dollars all that attractive in a man.
Yes, it's important to strive for betterment, and I suppose different people seek betterment in different ways.
I'm too hungry to type more, I'll just save it for the next time I drown my doubts with beer.
It's just that it's rather hard to relate to people sometimes, even those that are dear to me.
Maybe that article explains all the weird reactions I often get when I tell people I've never had a serious relationship. Maybe I really am an oddball, for not wanting what the average female Neanderthal wants?
I don't think I'm odd what...

That aside. Last night was fun.
Happy birthday nicky.
Pictures of hot cleavage will follow soon, I'm sure...

Let's go whine ba!

2007-09-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

Wah seh I just saw an email from school and Steamothy is President of the Aquatic Sharks again?!
Scared cannot withdraw CPF isit why don't dare to retire.

My sister comes home on Saturday!
There will be bounty to loot, aye me matey, aye!
Mu ah ha ha ha.
I was talking to Khai and he recounted an incident where he had to back away from 2 deer on the pavement.
He sounded scared.
The mental picture tickles me.
Seriously, dude. Deer. They're not sharks with frickin' laser beams.
Chuh.

Dive.

2007-09-03T09:42:00.001+08:00

Friday was spent drinking and dancing in celebration of our 10th and 8th year anniversaries. Ivy's inner promiscuous Ah Lian comes out when she is drinking. I can't believe I've tahan-ed Zhirong for so long lor. Wah lao. I can marry anyone already and confirm make it work lor.

I jest! I jest! You know I jest when faced with emotional moments right, darling? Love you sweethearts much much, love you loooong time.

Saturday Nichris and I hit the beach, in all it's soggy, post-storm glory.
Sand-sculptured lovers doubling as sundials on their towels. They are immovable, quiescent. Undaunted by burning heat or ruthless wind yet they seem, to my unaided eyes, to melt as the evening wears on. Melting into each other, melting into the sand. New brides with old veils and wet hands and wet smiles for the camera. Jump for the birdy. Eye candy sweet enough to get a toothache on. You gotta love the mood Tanjong beach puts you in.

I suddenly felt nostalgic last night, thinking about our dive trip at the beginning of the year. Maybe it was the horrible date I was on that made me wish I were elsewhere. Yup, I'm sure we will date just once, and never speak again. Oh well. Back to my heady beer-induced spiel.

The bar we used to go to. Bob Marley and beer. Swimming pools and lazy tourists with cheap cigarettes. Sigh I would Neil had packed me in his monster backpack and smuggled me into Canada. Or that I had walked through immigration with Lydia or Rita, and teared as they had while saying goodbye to Singapore for awhile. I felt like a ghost at the airport. Little pieces of me drifting off into different countries.

Super wanderlusty.

Time to start saving for the next trip I guess.

No more suppers for me!

I've discovered my superpower. It isn't mortar-blunt hearing, a wolf-like sense of smell, or telescopic sight.
The weapon with which I shall subdue all doubting officers of the law, is the Hair Flip.
Must. Restrain. Superpower.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Wah lao sleepy lar my brain is everywhere.
I'm going to buy coffee byebye.

Yippee Khai yay

2007-08-31T09:36:00.000+08:00

Weekend!
Glorious days of waking up late and being lazy!

Okay I'm gonna delete this comment because Christine says it's mean.

Khai if I ever convert you will be the first guy I look up okay?

Soooo sweet.

Wednesday.

2007-08-29T09:34:00.000+08:00

There are pictures of bak kwa on my calendar.
I want to eat the calendar too...

Now with the Inanimate Object Porn. I blame Denise!

So hungry...........

My new phone is so chio!

<3

I gotta start sleeping on the same day that I wake up.

2007-08-27T17:55:00.000+08:00

I am so so so hungry that when I see people I think in passing about eating them.

Sounds like the premise for some low class zombie porno.

Mmmm. Zombie porn...

Rock and roll ain't noise pollution.

2007-08-25T17:47:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I paid to watch Jay Chou not act..

Christine you see how much I love you?
Company was pretty fine though.
At least none of us had stickers on our jeans.
We are such a bunch of cool cats.
I'm trying to let my hair grow out.

I think the look lends me a certain air of credibility and machismo.
I can't wait for Phoney to get here so I can commence with the video-conferencing fun!

2007-08-11T13:04:00.000+08:00

I'm in the guesthouse now, we're leaving Darjeeling tomorrow, and I fear that when we do so my heart will break. Local schoolkids are playing counterstrike at the terminals in front of me. On my left a portion of the Aliment library is suspended in dusty shelves. Shogun, Jeffrey Archer, a hard cover third edition of Alcoholics Anonymous, a book on heart disease. Some of the spines have been ripped out and mended with sticky tape.
Darjeeling is mist, and endless steps. 20 minutes treks to the main part of town, 20 minute treks again to museums or to the zoo. More 20 minute treks back home at 6 to bathe. I say home because it really feels like home now. The owner of the guesthouse speaks to Nurul in Malay. He used to serve in the British army and was stationed in Singapore for abit. He says that the Asian heart is different from all others. He speaks and everything that spills from his mouth is rose-tinted, dreamy and misty. Everything that he says feels like Darjeeling to me.
Darjeeling is heartbreakingly handsome boys in blazers, trudging up slops to or from school. It is Tibetan bread with butter in the mornings, high tea at the Elgin, 8 cent momos at nameless restaurants with kind-faced young proprieters. It is pedestrian fare at supposedly good cafes. It is delightful old ladies who think Singapore is in Punjab. It is passed-out dogs in the town square who come alive at night and hold town meetings, each barking his disapproval at the unpaved roads. It is fog-filled nights spent, trudging around town.
Is it time to bathe? I'm always asking Nurul. Is it time for dinner? Is it time for breakfast, for lunch, is it time to bathe?
Back to Delhi tomorrow, back to the cities, skipping holes in the street, dodging stick-thin beggars with matted hair, eluding pushy touts, avoiding the random roaming cows. Last week, with its cities and its heat seems so far away.
Take last week and put it in a box. Maybe this box is made of dust. Maybe you can leave it out somewhere on a hill, next to a smiling woman showing you how to brew the best tea in 5 seconds.
Maybe the wet rain will tear this box apart.
Who was I last week, and why did my heart break?
It's impossible to remember now.

Don't want to go home.

Sudder-re Street.

2007-08-05T14:31:00.001+08:00

We're in Sudder Street, staying at the Salvation Army Guesthouse. It's old but really friendly and pretty quiet. We're taking a sleeper to New Jaipaiguri in the evening, then going up to Darjeeling tomorrow, where hopefully the weather is kinder. Frickinggggg hot here lar. But Kolkata seems alot more friendly than New Delhi. Well Sudder Street is alot more homey than Paharganj, at any rate. I'm hoping our trains aren't delayed by flooded tracks though. Seems like everywhere else is flooded or something.
I haven't got alot of photographs of the cities, when I think about it. Antonio's been holed up in his bag for the most part. I feel bad whipping out my flashy camera when I know that if I hocked it, I'd probably be able to feed alot of people for quite some time. That horrid guilt of privilege weighs down on me when I stop and take a picture of some street corner, or some alleyway. It's probably somebody's home. So I won't have alot of photos to share when I'm back, but God knows I've got photographs printed in my mind. I guess those are just for me.

My bermudas are really icky.
Nurul and I have been looking for a salon so that we can have our hair treated.
Bollywood hair, here I come!

2007-07-30T18:12:00.000+08:00

Waiting for the bus to New Delhi, it's fricking sunny outside so we're holed up indoors at a computer. Before this we spent 3 hours in the same restaurant listening to Kylie Minogue, Alanis Morissette and Sheryl Crow, commiserating over family stuff, reading sporadically and slowly letting cigarettes burn in a valiant effort to keep the armies of flies at bay. Yesterday whilst we were en route to Manali our bus got waylaid by a traffic jam because some truck had rolled off the road. So we got out for awhile and sat by the mountain and wondered about birds. Birds move their heads when they walk. So if you held their heads still, would they still be able to walk? Very profound conversations, we've been having. Leh was realllllly pretty. Skies full of salmon pinks and cinderella blues. We should reach Delhi by tomorrow morning, and then we're going to meet Bert. I remember hoping that my mind'd be emptied out. I think it finally is! The coming bus/train rides ought to be less heartbreakingly damaging to my mental well-being. Hooray! I think Nurul's motion sickness pills are wonderful. They make you sleep just like that. This morning we ate breakfast in bed and watched the cartoon network in Hindi. Pikachu speaks the same language in every country. Pika? Pika? Pikachu!
Okay going to go buy chocolate chip cookies to eat on bus. Byebye.

2007-07-26T12:36:00.000+08:00

The first night we were in India, we were bullied into paying our taxi driver more money since he had gotten lost en route to our little hotel. He argued that he had made twice the journey we had originally paid for, and the tank of a man refused to let us out of the car until we had handed over 2 more crumpled bills. Our hotel for 6 hours had a broken sink and an open electrical socket underneath the shower. That tickled me to no end. We're in Leh now, in Ladakh, and people here are impossibly pleasant and beautiful. The shared bathrooms in our guesthouse overlook mountains and rows of produce. Everyone smiles a good morning at you and sings a calm "Julay" at you. Julay means hello, julay means goodbye, julay means thank you. We went to a lake called Panggong yesterday. It took 6 hours to get there in a little jeep, and we went up past 5000 metres. Neither Nurul nor I have experienced any ill effects fo the altitude. We could be sherpas I suppose, should either of us decide to quit school. Nurul's gone for yoga class. I chose to sleep in. The nights here are quiet, so quiet I practically feel suspended in mid air sometimes. The first night in Leh I thought of you. And you, and you, and you. And each passing night stretches these thoughts. I think by the end of the week my mind should have suitably emptied itself out. In 2 days we'll leave Leh for Delhi, it'll take about 3 days. Let's hope our bus doesn't go over the edge of some cliff! Otherwise this post would be damn creepy lar. Okay I'm going to meet Nurul now byebye.

20 hours!

2007-07-21T17:52:00.000+08:00

I've been diagnosed with Daddy Syndrome.
I only fall for guys who resemble my dad, which is to say, all the men I'm doomed to fall for will never give a shit about me.
=(

Yixiao's party last night was nice. Pitch Black's a pretty cool place for a cosy get-together. And Kaonang, how come you don't flirt like that in real life?!
You really should... it is rather hot a sight to behold.

Haven't pack finish.
Die lar.

I'm a router?

2007-07-17T20:56:00.000+08:00

You gotta give it to WH... he did capture a stunning likeness of Jia...

Life minus 4 teeth.

2007-07-07T11:19:00.000+08:00

Argh.
Can't. Talk.
Gums. Swollen.
Mouth. Hurts.
In. Purgatory.
Must. Make. Sarcastic. Comments.
But. Cannot.
Argh!

Dear Diary.

2007-07-02T12:08:00.000+08:00

Last week we decided to go to the Bird Park.

There was this bird. I felt a sort of inexplicable kinship with it. I think it may have been the head-body ratio.

Then there was this bird that looked like it had tits.

And there was this bird that had some kind of inferiority complex.

We went to the Lory Loft, which was really fun, and Chris was so cool and totally unfazed by the birds.

Then one lory got really agro and decided to go postal on another lory's ass. A feather then got stuck in the crazy birds beak, and it was stuck there for really long. That must be what they call "karma".

I thought the fellow in the penguin enclosure was so hot. Which is kind of strange, given I couldn't even see his face. I think it has something to do with the fact that he's pretty much like the ruler of all penguins.
Plus, the penguins make him look really tall and ripped.

Animals are fun!

Stork Naked.

2007-06-24T01:57:00.000+08:00

What a lazy, aimless day.
Went to have lunch with Weihandsome after today's lesson, then aimlessly walked around Parkway. Then at MPH we saw this book.

Wethinks the illustrator of the cover page probably didn't have time to read the blurb, and just went with what he knew about the book from the title. Nekkidness, and a stork.
Then we watched Raiders of the Lost Ark, and I had a crap dinner at home, and then Steph and I went over again to try to watch Shrek, but we couldn't because his computer decided to go all menopausal on us.
This is the worst day of my life.
I'm going to go sleep so it'll be over.

Tomorrow is

2007-06-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

Operation 4 inches and higher.
Nicky come home soon!

Waffletown.

2007-06-12T21:27:00.000+08:00

But we by a love so much refined
That our selves know not what it is,
Inter-assur'd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

All these years later, I still think these are my favourite 4 lines of words in the English language.

A close second would be, "Joyce, I don't eat lard, do you want the lard from my mee pok?"

5 Reasons Why Christine is Better Than a Visa Card.

2007-06-08T16:48:00.000+08:00

She's more fun to talk to.
She's more fun to draw on.
You can play mahjong with her.
If you lose her in a crowd you don't have to call your credit company to cancel her, because you can always rendezvous by the car later.
She gets you free drinks while at the end of the day you still need to pay off your credit statement.

Never go out without your Christine!

Shock!

2007-06-04T01:17:00.000+08:00

Holy sunblock lotion, Batman!

Mah has some natural colour in her cheeks in this photograph, and does not remotely resemble a Russian bride!
Cheers, babes!
Heh.
Tomorrow we're gonna get you on a set of wheels and you're gonna cycle like it's 1999.

Training Bra Discussion, Part Deux.

2007-05-18T11:44:00.000+08:00

Okay we're booked! Hehehemuahaha.
So far there's a marathon 2-day long jeep and bus ride, and 2 16 hour long train rides planned.
I desperately need someone who's got a credit card issued in India to do me a favour though.
Anyone got? Plis to help.

Anyway Zhirong, regarding the peculiar moniker of the Training Bra (sounds like a Denzel Washington movie ya), at first I thought the bra was trying to train the boobies. Upon further discussion with Jono though, I came to the realization that the subject in question undergoing said training, was probably me! (cue loud DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMM sound) Yes. My mother used to tell me that if I wore my training bra like a good little girl, that my boobs would grow to be like hers. Like a lemming, I followed dutifully, save for that one cataclysmic morning I rushed out for canoeing training and forgot to put on a training bra under the rice paper-thin PE T-shirt, but anyway I'm going to use that device Michael Ende always used in The Neverending Story, and say that that is another story and shall be told another time. Where was I. Ah yes. The carrot and the stick. A career modelling for Triumph and Wacoal and the training bra. I say Triumph and Wacoal, of course, because no 10 year old back in my day had ever heard about Victoria's Secret. So in conclusion, I will say that the training bra was probably designed to train little girls to wear bras. Boys have NS, and girls have the training bra. C'est la vie.

2007-05-15T14:02:00.000+08:00

34% into Operation Throweverythingout, and I've just hit the motherload of old underwear.
Thousands of dollars worth of underwear, I swear. 3 sisters' worth of underwear.
All my old training bras.

Note to self:
Don't waste money on training bras for any children I may possibly have next time. Training bras don't train anything at all. My children will never know the sorry disappointment of going home with a new training bra, thinking that some sort of metaphysical Pokemon-esque "levelling up" goes on each time you put it on, which will one day pay off in the form of a nice rack.
All lies!

2007-05-15T13:29:00.000+08:00

Am 30% into cleaning my room.
Have so far only found one small, extremely panicked spider.
I half expected to find a mutant turtle, or 4.
Rumoured colonies of killer alien roaches 0, Joyce 1.

Score!

But my picnic at Sentosa today has been foiled by nasty weather.
Nasty weather 1, Joyce 0.

Drats!

Going to sleep now.

2007-05-13T20:47:00.000+08:00

Nouvelle Vague was sooo hot, thought their gig was amazing. Hearing them do Heart of Glass and Bela Lugosi's Dead live just about made my weekend. Ritzy thankfully managed to scrounge up invites for us so the night wasn't so hard on my wallet... ah what does it matter. Spent the day out with my sister and mother and ended up spending money shopping anyway. DIE LA JOYCE WHY NO SELF DISCIPLINE CAN YOU PLEASE SAVE MONEY FOR THE TRIP PLEASE OH YEAH AND STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AND COMB YOUR HAIR ONCE IN AWHILE WHY DON'T YOU. Bought a cute shirt from Topman for SIXTEEN DOLLA! Marked down from 96 bucks, because once again, I buy only what other people don't seem to want haha. After I bought it my mother said I look like a tourguide in it. Thanks, Mum. Happy Mother's Day to you too... Also bought a slutty halter from Tangs for NINE DOLLA! Again, with the scavenger-like behaviour. It was like 60 bucks or something at first. But okay there's not much cloth on it so I guess it's only really worth about nine bucks... Considered buying this other jacket even though it was too small for me, simply because it was 9 bucks also and because I didn't want anyone else to have it. I know, I know. I'm a Crazy Competitive Cheapskate Bitch. CCCB. I loves acronyms. They're perfect for lazy people like me. But I didn't la. Buy it, I mean. Because I ran out of money. Oh wells. Ivy hon, see you're not missing much, this is a day in the life of Joyce. It is le boring. My blog is nowhere nearly as exciting or cosmopolitan as your blog. Sadness.

Whee!

2007-05-10T19:00:00.000+08:00

Nouvelle Vague!
Nouvelle Vague!

Bintan was damn damn fun.
I love you guys!
You make me feel like I'm not that dumb after all!
Hahaha.
Unglam photos to follow, as soon as Mah Jiaxin figures out how to upload photographs.
=\

I want to go Leh.

2007-05-01T13:24:00.000+08:00

Altitude sickness, anyone?
Me me me!
With the rest of India apparently labouring under the wave of the monsoon, the idea of spending most of our time in Ladakh is sounding more and more appealing. Oh goshhhh. I'm terribly broke, but I want to make it happen, so pardon me if I turn down any dinner invitations over the next 2 months.

Who needs food when you can get views like that?

Q: Are flamingos flammable?

2007-04-26T18:50:00.000+08:00

A: Possibly.

Happy birthday Hamtaro! Your girlfriend is seriously super sweet.. Not much of a conspirator, but still, super sweet.
Reached home and made a sandwich and woke myself up in the process, so I ended up sleeping past 5. A wee bit longer and I'd have caught the sunrise, aye me matey.
Ah whatever la you can't eat a sunrise.
Sunrises are totally overrated.
Met Yixiao and Di for lunch. I could hear Yixiao's food reviewer brain ticking away beneath that perfectly coiffed exterior, just like I could hear Ye's Evil Excel brain whirring into action at every turn last night. My hearing's rather sharp, eh?
Anyhoooo Di and I went shopping after lunch to kill time, and I bought a bag.
FOR NINETY-FIVE PERCENT OFF!
NINE-TEE FIVE PER-CEN!
95%!
It was damn cheap so I grabbed it off the shelf, then after the cashier scanned it the cash register read $269 and I kind of almost-peed my panties a little, then the discount %% thingy flashed on and the price went down to $13.
THIRTEEN DOLLARS!
THIR-TEEN DOLLA!
$13!
Apparently the designer's some quirky little Korean.
Thank you, Myounghee Oh, for designing a bag that noone apparently wants to buy at full price.
I loves you muchly!

Waiting to be fed so I think I'll blog.

2007-04-22T19:53:00.000+08:00

Urgh Weihan just flashed me on his webcam.
I think I'm blind.
Dude, go get a tan.
If you don't know how to, after your exams end I'll bring you okay.
For the sake of all our corneas.

I want to go to the zoo!

So curious..

2007-04-12T09:02:00.000+08:00

How come there's a need to "search" for "successors"?
Doesn't the term "succeeding" connotate a form of rule we've been trying hard as heck to avoid being associated with?
Shouldn't candidates for fair and impartial elect in a democratic state come forward on their own to run for seats in office?
See, I would have done a better job writing a speech. Somebody should give me a job.

Somewhere, a writer's right eyelid must be twitching massively...

Jose you do make me melt so

2007-04-12T01:24:00.000+08:00

Well it's one thing to fall in love
But another to make it last
I thought that we were just beginning
And now you say we're in the past
Look me in the eye
and tell me we are really through

You know it's one thing to say you love me
but another to mean it from the heart
And if you don't intend to see it through
why did we ever start?
I wanna hear you tell me
you don't want my love

Put your hand on your heart and tell me
it's all over
I won't believe it till you
put your hand on your heart and tell me
that we're through
Put your hand on your heart

They like to talk about for ever
Most people never get the chance
Do you wanna lose our love together
Do you find a new romance

I wanna hear you tell me
you don't want my love

Put your hand on your heart and tell me
it's all over
I won't believe it till you
put your hand on your heart and tell me
that we're through
Put your hand on your heart
hand on your heart

Look me in the eye
and tell me we are really through

Look up "Tortured Poet" in the dictionary and there shall you see my face.

2007-04-03T18:11:00.000+08:00

Dear Yirong, my friend so true
I don't want to study so I'll write a poem for you.
You look just like Zhirong (plus a pound or two),
But really you're the coolest girl from that London Economics School.
The rain and you are as tight as glue.
You're a regular weather phenomenon - scientists should study you.
Maybe Somalia or other drought-stricken nations should import you.
So agriculture and farming efforts can be followed through.
You understand my mumbling so your hearing's quite super too.
Yoda says, "Own a posh house in 4 years, will you."
Maybe, even an igloo.
Please let me crash now and then, my boo.
And I swear if I ever date Jackman, Hugh
I will share him 50-50 with you.

GOD PLEASE GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO STUDYYYYYYYYY.

Yirong & I Are Completely Unhappening.

2007-03-31T09:38:00.000+08:00

I bathed 6 hours agoooooo Neilly...
I'm not smelly...

I'm thinking of publishing a book...
It'll be something like Where's Wally?

Where's Yirong?

Where's Yirong?

Do you think it'll sell...
What's with all the ellipses...
All my friends are going on exchange next term...
I'll need to make new friends...
So troublesome...
I think I'll have to find a boyfriend...
Urgh...
Damn sian...

Question No. 2

2007-03-27T17:57:00.000+08:00

If life gives you lemons, and you make lemonade,
does what mean that when it gives you an alligator you make Gatorade?

Fisherman's Fraud.

2007-03-25T01:22:00.000+08:00

I don't understand why Fisherman's Friend is called what it is... it's totally misleading.
What if I were a lonely fisherman, looking for some company. What if I went onto eBay one dark and stormy night, looked to buy a friend, and paid US$15.99 for a Fisherman's Friend, thinking that it'd be something like sunscreen, a blowup doll of Jessica Alba, or the dvd for the first season of Lost, and got instead in the mail two weeks later, a disappointing little packet of breath mints?
I can think of a billion other things more deserving of the name "Fisherman's Friend".
Dolphins. Moisturizer. The coast guard. A flare gun. Oprah Winfrey. Bak-kwa. A fridge. An anchor. GPS. Another fisherman. Lassie. Really, the list goes on and on.
Why a mint, of all things...
Life is full of little mysteries...

Sleepy, but...

2007-03-19T00:37:00.000+08:00

as Ritza says, I can sleep all I want when I die.
Jose Gonzalez's version of Hand on Your Heart is reaaaaally nice. Go YouTube it. The concert was entirely too short, but I guess if it had been any longer he would have strummed his fingers off, and that would not have been cool, because y'know... fingers are really important when it comes to activities like chopstick-holding, and email-typing, and taco-eating, and sex. Rachael Yamagata seems like such a cool (and drunk) chick. I caught Zhirong tearing and discretely trying to wipe her eyes. Please, nothing slips by my eagle-sharp eyes. Although we saw a guy I apparently went out with awhile back, but I didn't recognise him and Turk admonished me. I also forgot my father's birthday a couple of weeks ago, and my sister admonished me then too. And I forgot to get Jiaxin a birthday present last year, but I swear babe I'll get you a bigger one this year. Sigh... am I supposed to know these things? There's only so much disk space in the ole hard drive, yo. OH SHIT THE BIGGEST LIZARD IN THE HOUSE JUST RAN OUT FROM BEHIND THE FRIDGE MY TEA IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT HOW HOW HOW HOW
Now I will study and be thirsty.

Welcome back to Singapore, Double-Oh-Ibis, you scheming rat you!

SOodd

2007-03-15T09:59:00.000+08:00

I just had the weirdest dream.
I dreamt that Shireen and I decided to move into this old house together. Now, we're not in Singapore. We're in some unnamed foreign land, and in this land the Nazi party used to be in power. So we've moved in and we're looking for a third tenant to share the house with us, and one day the Nazis start rolling in again, except they're not the traditional Nazis we all know - they're all dressed up like Ronald McDonald. A huge swarm of Ronald McDonalds stream into town on jeeps and holding guns, and everyone's panicking and screaming and alot of people try to barge into our house to take shelter but Shireen and I totally kick ass and we chase everyone out and into this hostel called "Hotel" across the street, and as everyone is running into "Hotel" this priest is standing outside, solemnly warning everyone that there is a cross hanging outside the hostel and they know what that means. I dunno. So then I run back home and lock up the door and then Shireen asks me if I've seen her painting, and I say no so I go upstairs into her room which is this really big attic and there's a painting on the floor of something that looks like a weeping Frankenstein. Shireen in my dream you're a brilliant artist haha. I tell her it's amazing but the blending could do with abit more work. She says she's out of paint, and by now I want to paint too because we don't have a TV at home, so we decide to run out to the art-supply shop for things. Somewhere in all of this, totally unrelated, this lit teacher from my high school is in my house and I think he's hot and I want to set him up with my sister, but she's busy blowdrying her hair and won't come out. Then Zhirong tells me about her ex classmates who used to get along really well with him, and then she tells me that these 2 girls are now really slutty, and then she mentions one's name and I gasp, "Oh my gosh she's Megan's ex-teacher!" And she is, and then she's suddenly in our house except now she's Chinese and not Malay, and she's playing with Chloe.

So. Weird.
But wah there's so much hidden metaphor in my dream. I'm like Isaac Mendes. I'm highly evolved like Edmund.

Robojoyce.

2007-03-14T12:45:00.000+08:00

http://news.independent.co.uk/world/science_technology/article2347535.ece

(Somewhat) scientific proof that Christian Bale is the most attractive man alive.
I've been right all along.
I'm like Robocop, I look at guys and everything is tinted green and arranged along a three-dimensional grid and I see things in terms of distance and body temperature.

Excuse me now, I have to go.
Somewhere there is a crime happening.

To my dearest Zee. You won't write to me, and you won't flirt with the burger man to get better service for me, but I shall write for you anyways.

2007-03-03T11:14:00.000+08:00

As Zhi and I trawled Vivocity yesterday, weeping and bemoaning having slumped so far down the Ladder of Adventure, it suddenly struck me that the thing we lacked in our lives, wasn't really new clothes or an exciting new habit/secret - it was gumption.
I blame the white noise. It's all that clutter in our lives. The things of yesterday screaming for our attention against the things of tomorrow. And somewhere in the mix of trying not to lose our way we forget the here and now, which is you know, the most important thing of all. What kind of future can you have if you're lost right now? I don't think we used to have this problem. I remember days when I would wake up and the day was glorious right off the bat. I'd take an immense pleasure in dressing up, in smiling at strangers and even in just breathing. Then as you get older, your boat moves ever slower, like your damned daggerboard is caught in some mud or something. I say we take out the damned daggerboard altogether! If it's not working for you, delete omit remove expunge.
Amputate.
Coasting simply will not do. Coasting is not for the stiletto-shorn. Coasting is not for the brave. And if equating stilettos to braveness reveals a skewed view of the world, then in that regard I choose to remain as odd as the number 3, because that's me.
You've got your own drum major hammering out a deeply moving symphony, or maybe it's a bone-shaking house anthem. No matter.
I say you shake that cute little white ass to it, my dear.

Why I love to dive.

2007-02-27T17:53:00.000+08:00

It starts on the boat.
The water's kicked up by the side, and it churns and bubbles and sprays, and the sun gets caught somewhere in the middle. There's a little rainbow by the side of the boat, and it's following us out to sea.
Then you put on your gear, get into the water, and there's so many things to see that an hour seems like 10 minutes.
For me it's all about the light. As you're descending the reef slowly comes into view. Everything underwater jumps out at you and catches you by surprise. The sea bed, the curiously large-eyed squirrelfish that stare at you as you float on by. They're my favourite. They're not particularly pretty, but I remember this one dive at the Similans where I was really struggling with the current. This squirrelfish drifted alongside me for awhile, an inch from my mask. I think he was trying to tell me something. The school of barracuda swims past you and they're like a thousand shards of broken mirror, just out of arms reach, reflecting the drifting sun back at you. You hover over the seabed and the sunlight melts and flows in and around every rock and coral, like honey. The currents sway you forward, and as you swim on your back the shadows cast by the boulders frame the most gorgeous photograph you'll never take. It's the glassy end of the sea, where the world above the water starts, and you're overwhelmed by this sense of awe, of how things just manage to fit so beautifully together. We live in our houses and we drive our cars, and just metres below us all this is life going on, all of the time. You're belly up and on your back and you can see schools of fish overhead, they dart in and out of your range of vision. They're the most brilliant colours you ever saw, and they're of all shapes and sizes, and you're in their house now.
Now, I'm not a religious person, but there've been two occasions in my life I can remember believing wholly that this world was just too perfect to have been utter chance. One of those times was the first time I dived.

And that's why I like to dive.

Simon Says...

2007-02-20T01:25:00.000+08:00

Happy new year!
Alls I can says is, if gambling's any measure of what's in store for me for the rest of this lunar new year, I'm in for a tough time of it.
Play in between, and always kena things like 7/9, 3/5 8/J.
Play blackjack and always get 15 with my first 2 cards and 25 with the third.
Sighhhhh. :(
Derr says it's because cows and pigs don't get along.
Why don't get along!?
All homies in the farmyard right.
My cousin was talking about the mice who've been stealing food from her dogs, and my relatives all chimed in and asked her if the mice had pointy noses, because apparently small mice with pointy noses are blind and should be spared their lives because they're so pathetic already.
Search me...
And her golden retrievers apparently trapped a bird in the kitchen under a frisbee one day. Don't know if she's bluffing. If she isn't then her house has mighty interesting animals.
And Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas is damnnn fun I want to play somemore but I don't have an Xbox360, nor do I have a mother-huge plasma TV.
And my cousin's cherry blossoms are really nice this year.

Hee hee this year eat until got cleavage. But my sister still don't have. Thank you lordy. She can have her fat paycheck! I have cleavage!
My mother was like yelling at all the kids to get away whenever they played too close to the cherry blossoms.
And my dad gave the little furry merlion attached to his handphone to some random angmoh kid in the elevator.
I love chinese new year!
Hrm tomorrow we play golf, and Wednesday is Ethnic Harlots Night. We're breaking out the cheongsams, the kebayas and the saris. And Zhi, if Sinj and co. really do come, tell them they must buy you drinks ok, then you can pass them to me, because I'm bringing my mum shopping on Thursday with my angpao money so I don't want to spend any money on Wednesday, and I'm usually unable to get drinks of my own accord, spectacularly ginormous cleavage notwithstanding. :( It's like I'm Superman and free drinks are Kryptonite... Somehow I don't think that analogy makes sense, but I'm sleepy so whatever. Thursday the Circle of Trust is having our themed poker game. We're going to be housewives. Jinx is Gabrielle, Nikky is Edie, I chope Bree, so I guess Steph will have to be Susan. Can la both so bimbo...
Jinx you better wear your damn eyelashes okay and break out the fake-tan because I'm seriously going to do my hair, indirectly contribute to my husband's death, and wear an apron.
And Nikky I expect super tight gym clothes or a skanky power suit.
And Friday it's Koh Lanta for diving!
Divinggggggggggg:)
Where the heck do I squeeze in all my work......
Whatever.
Gong xi fa cai!

Live fast die young who wants pension?

2007-02-09T23:17:00.000+08:00

Tried to study, got distracted by Flickr, reminisced about Coldplay's completely incendiary concert last year. Zhirong said after she's watched John Mayer and Fallout Boy she can die because her life would be complete. So that means she's going to die in... early March? Hahaha... I'd only die happy if I got to listen to Broken Social Scene, TV on the Radio, The Shins, PJ Harvey, and Radiohead live. And Coldplay one more time. Bare minimum these 5. But apparently PJ Harvey's quit concerts. So I'm just going to die old and dissatisfied I guess. Sigh. I'm going to be old, and alive in a world where the icecaps continue to melt, Africa is kept in poverty while 3 trillion dollars pass hands among the richest of the rich, and our world in general creeps ever closer to taking on the atmospheric tendencies of Venus. Sigh die already la. Study for what. Corporate Finance is way depressing. I shouldn't study already methinks.

Panda is the new Penguin.

2007-02-06T22:28:00.001+08:00

Cute pandas.

SO CUTE.

They're like drunken, small, fashion-forward ewoks.

Apparently this is my 600th nonsensical post on a blog. Then when you add up the ole pitas.com and scribble.nu journals, that must make it about... 2.3 million gramatically-unsound and logic-defying posts since 1998...

Old already.

yyyyyy

2007-02-05T17:49:00.000+08:00

There are some questions in life, the answers to which I am not sure.

1. Does cigarette smoke contribute to environmental degradation, and to what extent?
2. Who killed Izzy Delancy?
3. If I tie-dye a necktie, can I patent it and call it a tie-tie-dye?
4. If you have a lucid dream all night, when you wake up, does it feel like you
haven't slept at all?
5. If no, then can I train myself to study when I sleep, so I can do other things with my precious waking hours?
6. If a person is put under general anesthetic, and if you strap him up to one of those machine in the gym and rig it to go on auto, does he technically get a workout?
7. If yes, can I put myself under general anesthetic every night before I sleep, strap myself onto the cross trainer, and wake up with a really awesomely toned ass?
8. Why is mayonnaise called mayonnaise?

Alas, I feel so ignorant. Ok salsa time.

I've just been hit by the realization that this week is going to be hell oh crap.

2007-02-04T13:07:00.000+08:00

How come my vacuum cleaner doesn't sound like a bass?
I can totally see some radio station/music player company buying this idea for an ad. Why aren't I as gifted with the vacuum cleaner? Next time must give my kid vacuum cleaner lessons. Who needs the piano. Pfft.

Went to Cafe Del Mar last night and it was pretty sweet. Loved the place, didn't love the service though. Took about 35 minutes for our whiskies to come, by which time I was so sober I wasn't flushed anymore, and if you've seen me drink you know how red I get and how long I stay red. So we decided to send the drinks back and we left to go eat fried chicken.
Fried chicken. Mmmmm.

If only they sold fried chicken skin in a biscuit.
Like, recreate on a molecular structure the deliciously crisp and oily feeling of a piece of fried chicken skin.
Then vacuum pack it and put it in a box and sell.
Again it comes back to vacuum.
If only one could harness the power of the vacuum. (Cleaner, or otherwise.)
You'd have the world in your hands...

2007-02-02T14:29:00.000+08:00

Some days it ain't sunny but it ain't so hard....

A series of unfortunate events.

2007-01-24T13:32:00.000+08:00

So I'm standing at the crossing to the library, and this taxi and van have a little accident.
One might say it's negligence of the drivers, or a confusing traffic light system.
I think it's because I was standing at the junction.
My blinding, ethereal beauty is a curse.
Or it could have been Kai's blinding, ethereal beauty because he was on the opposite side of the road.
He is kinda prettier than me.
His skin is alot creamier and whiter than mine.
And he has really long legs.
And just now YY asked me why my hair is so wavy now.
Is my hair very ugly.
Oh no maybe the cars collided because of my ugly hair.
Sob.

And I just read that Earth's glaciers will be gone by 2050.
Like that how?
We'll be too young to already be dead, and too old to run from the flood or dive under it.
SMU got law school after we're enrolled, school syllabus become easier after we've graduated.
We're all damn suay la.

"Preferably..."

2007-01-21T21:41:00.001+08:00

So last night we played mahjong at Steph's place. Of course Jia was about 90 minutes late.. Eh next time I'm seriously going to tell you to meet us two hours ahead of time okay... But plis don't misconstrue this as a lack of gratitude for the shorts. They're veh nice, thanks yous muchly.

Steph's bimbo act is an act.

One day when we're all dead and gone, and when our planet has been laid to waste by all our thoughtless and environmentally unfriendly mining habits, Steph will rule the planet. She and her legion of man-slaves. They'll share beers and talk about their affection for her because she's really damn cute la.

Anyway we slowly played until 6am, terrorized the McDonalds delivery man, spilt our guts on the mahjong table (metaphorically speaking, of course), somebody took off my shorts (for the first time in damn long la), somebody else got really happy (tee hee hee), we were our own jukebox, and afterwards when we were all squeezed into Steph's Super Single I tried in vain to get everyone to do a cover of the Incredible Mouth Band with me.

"CYMBALS! CYMBALS! CYMBALS!"

We're like the frakking Joy Luck Club lor! Okay I never actually read the book and aside from a scene where a woman tried to drown her baby, I don't really remember much of it....

But I'm so frakking sure that we'd fit right in the Joy Luck Club.

Joyce Luck Club... hur hur hur.

No luck man. We were wrapping up and I was just about to end the night having broken even and I had to throw out a card and let Steph peng hu. :(

Ladies, we must to do that again soonish.

I was talkin' about this video... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahpvSasR6d8

Overly emotional post.

2007-01-19T17:34:00.000+08:00

I just got restructured. :(
I maintained that it was retrenchment, butthen my sister said it's just like unpaid leave, and she's the smart lawyer who wore to work a corset top that's so tight she thinks she's going to swoon, and now I need to go out and pass her another top otherwise she will faint, so I guess she must be right. Zhizhi also agrees that it's like enforced unpaid leave, and zhi's GPA is tons higher than mine, so again, she must be right.
Le sigh.
But it feels like retrenchment. Happily go and plan holiday la. Luckily I didn't buy that seriously cute pair of pumps yesterday, otherwise I'd have to stick the heel in my eye and claim the accompanying insurance to fund my eating habits for the next 3 weeks.
I have so much time now!
But I don't want to study!
Ok seriously, Chris. I'm going to your house and playing with Mundo.
And seriously, if you feed me dog biscuits again I will punch the living daylights out of you.
I think I'll cross-stitch something.
Like one of those cross-stitch thingys that have the Caucasian children with the oddly-large heads and the decidedly Christian quotations.
Oh gosh I guess now I can watch Veronica Mars on Sunday evenings.
Just now I went to the polyclinic for a blood test, and the lab technician stuck a needle in the crack of my left elbow, and then she paused and went "Eh? How come like that?" Which caused me to look down in alarm. She prodded around abit more, then she quizzically moved the needle out abit and back in, and then she called to another guy "Eh come and see why like that huh?" The other guy came, removed the needle from my arm and mused "Hrm got no blood hor." Like, duh I'm not medically trained and I can tell the needle in my arm isn't doing its job. Then he said I was too cold and he stuck a bigger needle in the crack of my right elbow and then eventually blood started to flow out.
I feel like a pincushion.
I'm a retrenched pincushion.
What can I do now? I guess I could moonlight as a paperweight for the next 3 weeks. Or I could try my hand at being a pillow. For a very small person.
I'm way too free.
And I can't remember how to windsurf already.
And my hair is damn frizzy.
Self esteem?
Try self es-condensation.
Har de har har har.
I'm going to go play with my darling dog before she grows old, goes blind and dies.
:( :( :( :( :(

Crabman.

2007-01-13T00:27:00.000+08:00

Poor Barbie.

Everyone blames her for perpetuating the myth of the Unrealistic Blonde Body. Fat mothers, skinny mothers. They're all no friend to Barbie. True, she's now a college professor, she's President, she's an astronaut and she's Cinderella all at the same time, but she's always still going to be blonde, buxomy and beautiful. Who's to say girls should even have to have ideals to look up to? Who decides on these ideals in the first place? Outrage.

Wertever.

I say, how come Spongebob gets no flak for being a sponge?

What about proper representation for all the other denizens of the sea?

What if the children of our generation grow up only wanting to be sea sponges? Don't these people see how the sea fans might feel hurt? Surely the anemone must hurt, deep inside, for being so overlooked by society. All the other coral must be incredibly slighted. Why is Spongebob so much better than everyone else? Why does Spongebob get his own highly-rated television programme and spin-off clothing line? Who's to say yellow-tailed fusiliers wouldn't make equally adequate waiters? Is Spongebob setting the equal-rights movement back? Are Spongebob's actions towards Squidward a cleverly veiled attack on all poor, oft-misunderstood mollusca?

Who knows?

I certainly don't.

Therefore I shall post random pictures of our dive trip.

The guy at the beach bar really reminded me of the dude in My Name Is Earl.

Dear God, please let me suddenly wake up one morning and find extra money in my bank account. Maybe the bank can screw up - I don't know. Any other similarly fortuitous twist will suffice. I'm not asking for alot. Just enough for Koh Lanta and Sipadan. And maybe a casing for my camera. If it's not asking for too much. In exchange I'm willing to be vegan. For two weeks. Amen. Omm.

Resident E(vil)

2007-01-07T22:55:00.000+08:00

I felt like watching Resident Evil so I went and got a version of it.
But it was in French.
I guess I could still figure out what they were saying. I swear I heard one of the S.T.A.R guys say "Jon Secada" at one point. What does Jon Secada have to do with the undead?
Maybe nothing.
Maybe everything.

Cue twilight zone music.

Anyway I was thinking. If you had a gun with only one bullet in it, and if you were stuck in a room full of hungry zombies, and if you had a 98% chance of getting eaten alive by that annoying guy from Finance, err ok that sounds odd, let's rephrase that and say you had a 98% chance of getting torn apart limb from limb by a raging zombie, would you take your 2% and run with it, or would you use that gun on yourself and avoid all that unnecessary extra gore?

I bet you could use game theory and figure out the optimum plan of action or something lor.

But Rita says it depends on whether the zombies decisions affect you. I guess they do right. They could totally choose to be vegan. Or wait I guess they can't because then they wouldn't be zombies anyway. Ok let's just assume they're hungry zombies of the classic persuasion. Then wait you also have to figure out all the little peripheral expected payoffs also. Like, say your religion states people who commit suicide all go straight to hell. But what if your religion's got it all wrong anyway and there is no hell? I guess you have to draw some sort of tree or something. Alas, I've never been very good with trees. My trees all look like this:

The Zombie Tree

See, zombie movies are actually really intellectual.
Next up, a sociopolitical dissertation of The Evil Dead.

End the year diving, start the year diving.

2007-01-05T15:16:00.000+08:00

Our nice boatman demonstrating the only way to fly. If you look closely you can see Sheryl on the cliff and if you really put your imagination to it you can hear her saying "what the fuck?"
Hrm I wonder what he and Adam were smoking while the rest of us were snorkeling. Sheryl and I tried our hand at cliff jumping too, but I don't think I'll be making a career out of it anytime soon. Jumping off cliffs is just not my forte.
Always go in backside first.
If there was a picture of me my legs would've been in the air methinks. My posterior is rather bruised now, think the nice lady who gave me a massage afterwards must've thought I'd been raped or something. She was nice enough to rub some ointment for me. Crystal Inn at Phuket Town, dudes. Fair woman with long curly hair. Best massage of my life.
Diving was massively fun.
Visibility and water temperatures were way off the norm this season, with visibility averaging around 10 metres. Simi lan la. By my last dive at North Point, I had pretty much given up hope of swimming with a manta ray and I was just swimming around enjoying the landscape (Landscape? Seascape? Dunno.) and admiring the corals. Then Weibo sort of disappeared and my DM Janine and I hovered around looking for him. I looked up, thinking he might have floated higher than the depth we were at and there was this lovely white cloud swimming over Janine. The bubbles from my reg probably spelt out "omg". Waved frantically and pointed behind her and Janine whipped around and we just stared at it as it swam a little further off. Then it started to double back and then Weibo really lost it and started floating up, so Janine had to swim up to pull him down and then the manta just sort of veered off and swam away into the depths. Niceeeeee. We had made a round around the dive site and we were with Franz' group when the pretty ray swam around us, and after it had left I saw Rita and she waved her arms at me and I waved back and I could see Franz motion as if he was praying thanks and then I turned around and I could see Janine grinning through her regulator and she was stil hanging onto Weibo so he wouldn't float up to the surface. Sweet dive. They supposedly saw another one when they were doing their safety stop but we didn't see that one. But yeah. Sweet dive nonetheless. I guess you always remember your first time (you see a manta ray). Haha.
On New Years Eve we sat around drinking, then after everyone else went to bed, some of us stayed on the saloon deck to talk, and eventually we were joined by John, one of the Thai crew, and Cedric, one of the French DMs. John opened up a carton of Chang and gave us all beer, and then he took out a guitar, a tamborine, a harmonica, a set of bongos and a flute and urged us all to sing, and Sheryl despite not knowing how to play the guitar bravely endeavored to sing her favourite Bon Jovi song while tunelessly strumming the guitar. I'm so glad we got that on video. Sheryl, when she's drunk, speaks of herself in the third person. Jiarong, when he's drunk, talks nonstop and falls down. Weibo, when he's drunk, becomes very sleepy and tries to drink water the way a cat might drink milk out of a plate. Very entertaining. Haha. John told us that he had kickboxed for 4 years, and then he went on to dive, but he doesn't dive these days because he can't equalise anymore. He told us about diving for 2 days and 2 nights to pick up dead bodies after the tsunami had hit and said he remembers it as if it were yesterday. He lives on the boat for 8 months of the year straight, and the other 4 months he lives in Phuket Town, but he doesn't like Phuket very much because it's so crowded with tourists. His sister writes for a Thai paper and she sends him newspapers everyday so he knows what's going on on land. On New Years Day after I had come back from my dive he showed me the paper and told me Saddam Hussein had been executed. I wish I knew how to speak Thai so I could've talked to John abit more. My only resolution for the year is to pick up some Thai. We'll see how the rest goes.

The following trailer has been approved for righteous audiences.

2006-12-26T01:28:00.000+08:00

Robot Chicken -121- Christmas 2005
Uploaded by clucker

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

2006-12-22T14:27:00.000+08:00

Had a little A53 reunion of sorts last night, we ended up at Steph's place and we were playing Smartmouth, and you can so totally read a person from the way he plays the game.
You're given 2 letters and you're basically supposed to come up with a word that begins with the first letter and ends with the second letter.
Of course, Chris comes up with words like "Pimp", "Piss", and "Skank". Steph comes up with "Banana", "Tomato" and "Potato". Our honour roll students Ame and Ave come up with words like "Continental", "Concerto", "Antarctica", and "Communist-Manifesto". And I completely cannot spell and say words like "Doom" and "OMG" when the letters given are "D-O" and "O-M" respectively.

Sucks to be me.
Well at least I'm not balding!
20 points to me for totally relevant optimism!

I woke up this morning to a ringing phone and a Pig in a Blanket. My dog is damn cute la.
I think it's going to be a totally Christmasty weekend.

Happy holidays to allllllll!
Except Omar al-Bashir.
No season's greetings for you.

Taking responsibility for things.

2006-12-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

I blame the dreary weather, the zit on my eyebrow, my bad grades and the broken heel on my shoe on the North Koreans.
Sneaky sneaky.

The North Koreans were created by Man.
They Rebelled.
They Evolved.
They Look and Feel Human.
Some are programmed to think they are Human.
There are many copies.
And they have a Plan.

Lord of the Tortoi.

2006-12-06T01:57:00.000+08:00

Kim Jong Il.
Wasn't he cute?
Cute little despot.
Just goes to show, you never know. That bratty kid next to you on the MRT could grow up to be a short, oddly-coiffed dictator-slash-NBA'shipper.
I wonder if anyone's ever done a study of famous dictators and their familial influences. Sure have la. I wonder if a child, brought up by a pack of skulking tortoises (Tortoises? Tortoi?) could possibly be indoctrinated with the streak of meanness necessary for world (or, at the very least, continental) domination.
So perhaps, to avoid the resurgence of any future authoritarian regimes, we ought to leave at-risk children in the care, of tortoises.
That sounds like a Steven Spielberg movie right there.
Tortoises? Tortoi?
Argh my head it hurts!
My Battlestar Galactica isn't loading.
Why!
This makes me sad.

FOURFOURFOURMORE

2006-12-02T12:30:00.000+08:00

In 4 hours, I'll be free to watch as much Battlestar Galactica as I want.
FOUR!
It really is ver-y, ver-y exciting.
Watched 4 episodes last night, while futile-ly trying to stud-y for Mala-y.
My paper later is possibl-y screweeeeed.
But,
as Ritza says,
"Gd luck gd luck for your last paper.
Won't you won't you be happy later.
One day we'll do nothing and one day we'll shop.
One day we'll go swimming or stay home and rot."

Later I go to meet good ole Ahron for dinner!
I wonder if he's fat now!
Hahaha.
You're a goddamn frakking poet, woman.
A goddamn frakking poet.

2006-12-01T17:02:00.000+08:00

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA!

iBags

2006-11-29T15:11:00.000+08:00

Eyebags eyebags-
I suppose I ought to get new shoes to match my eyebags.
They'd have to be dark brown, with a green trim, and sorta puffy.
And while I'm at it I should get a wee little keychain to put on my eyebags.
Was waiting for the lift just now, and I got to thinking. If you're in a lift that falls to the first floor, but if the lift remains intact, and if the ceiling of the lift is padded, do you die?
How many people die in lifts in each year?
I reckon lifts ought to come equipped with airbags.
I really shouldn't be using up precious RAM for thoughts like this.
Less than a month to beachy bliss, that makes very happy indeed.

Thursday.

2006-11-23T13:31:00.000+08:00

Hrm I was Mindlessly Staring Into Space (or, MSIS for short - I'm trying to abbreviate everything these days for the sake of efficiency) trying to study,and a thought wrestled itself into my head. Not even a though really, more like a swift recollection of being in class one day in secondary school and asking Ms. Yee (remember her, Zhi?) how Truman Capote's name was supposed to be pronounced.
Ms. Yee was a really sweet literature teacher we used to have. She had a nasty habit of closing her eyes as she spoke and the other kids in class used to make fun of her but I always liked her. Her form class suckered her into flashing the transparencies on the ceiling one day and she obliged. Of course, the entire class spent the next half an hour sleeping.
Ok the random thought is out of my head now.
It is set free unto the world, like a wee fruit fly.
May I study 15 weeks worth of bahasa melayu now in peace.
Jai guru deva ommmmmmm.

OOoooooomg

2006-11-20T23:34:00.000+08:00

I don't think I'll be gainfully employed in December, except for the odd bouts of tuition.
I shall hope I get running shoes for my birthday so I can try to exercise some.
And I think I shall film a short movie.
I'll call it "Zhuo Boh", in the same vein as Richard Linklater's "Slacker".
Who wants to help me. I don't have a script I don't have a camera I don't have actors.

Damnit laaaaaa the studying progress is going le slowly.
Le shucks.

Did you know..

2006-11-19T15:54:00.000+08:00

that 2 kosong pratas are enough to meet your daily calorie intake requirements?
Gosh I didn't know that. And being supplied this information while en route to Chris' birthday party made things worse, for he hired the Casuarina prataman to make pratas all night. I think the best part of the night was cooking my own prata. Granted, I may have failed miserably, and granted, I may have been mocked a couple of times by the prata man, but at least I now know that making prata is not my calling.
The prataman laughed at me.
I'm such a loser.
=(

2006-11-17T22:26:00.000+08:00

Nic's quotable quote.

I'm under Jiaxin's bad influence.

2006-11-11T04:19:00.000+08:00

Hrm ever notice how couples don't typically blog about unhappy things? Seems it's always roses and peaches. Well I'm going to start a trend. I'm only ever going to blog the truth from now on. Everything I've blogged up to now has been a total and utter lie. I'm going to be a Pinocchio of the floating world.

Today my boyfriend hit me with a wooden peg-leg, then he proceeded to insult me. He called me "rotund" and likened my face to "a mutant parakeet". It was so degrading. He then tried to stab me with a spoon. That really hurt alot more than it sounds. Eventually the abuse stopped when I threatened to cook and eat his prize-winning Siberian Husky. I do love my boyfriend so.